asking inanimate objects if they are joking when they don’t function properly
i hate small talk
tell me about how lonely you are or tell me about why you keep waking up in the morning or talk to me about your mum’s eyes and your dad’s laugh. I don’t care about the weather and you don’t care about how my job’s going.
Side note, I have this curse recently where I don’t realize that a person is flirting with me until at least 20 minutes later.
when someone hot accidentally touches you
So, a Milwaukee friend offered to put me up, the same night she had a raging housewarming party. I set to work on the bottle of cheap champagne. I floated on my third wind throughout the night. I outlasted the party. The partygoers paired off and disappeared into the night. I am at last allowed a couch to sleep upon. All’s well that ends well.
This frozen pizza is literally the best thing to happen all goddamn day.
I’m billing my boss for this frozen pizza and champagne, no word yet on whether he’ll reimburse me knowingly or whether I’m going to spend my next solo shift on tumblr and not fixing bikes.
Conclusions: My friends are dicks and acquaintances in another city treat me better than my supposed crew. Puking all over Madison, setting it on fire, then starting over in another city. This is the new life plan.